Selfwritten! Reviews 😘

Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me. Shut up, let me tell you, let me. Every time I look at your face, or even remember it, it wrecks me. And the way you are with me, and you’re just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you’re real. I don’t have enough time in any day, to think about you enough. I feel like I’m gonna live a thousand years cause that’s how long it’s gonna take me to have one thought about you, which is that I’m crazy about you. I don’t wanna be with anybody else. I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t think about women anymore. I think about you. I had a dream the other night that you and I were on a train. We were on this train and you were holding my hand. That’s the whole dream, you were holding my hand and I felt you holding my hand. I woke up and I couldn’t believe it wasn’t real. I’m sick in love with you. It’s like a condition, it’s like polio. I feel like I’m gonna die if i can’t be with you and I can’t be with you, so I’m gonna die and I don’t care cause I was brought into existence to know you, and that’s enough. The idea that you would want me back? It’s like, greedy.

Silence

I know I act cool composed and a bastard all the time to display that i was just a little bit of my hater side to stay on the stronger part of people. But deep inside I felt alone and cursed. I could laugh with people, laugh at people and also make people laugh but no one actually could make me smile in the geniunie way. I felt all alone there was not muct to say to it about anyone because it  is one of those times when i really miss everything in the past.

I had no one i could look upto as a friend. Tell my real problems and someone who could make me laugh at them. I dont blame anyone for this condition of mine but oww well! There was no one that even cared! And neither did I want anyones sympathy over my things. Over time I came to realize that people were not what they said they would be. All the promises of being togeter standing for one another were shit to remember!

I was actually a bit happy with my condotion because it introduced to one of the most beautiful things in the universe "silence". It probably made ne feel like i was happy within me. May be silence is what tought me to fall in love with myself. I guess I'm just more bit of with the quote saying "before you speak try and think is that what you are about to speak is more beautiful then silence itself". 

Her...

I still remember........
I was totally free. So i decided to accompany my friend to his college. Just to while away my time and even just give mah buddy a good company on the first day of his college.

We reached the college early. Occupied the middle rows 5th bench. The first lecture was economis. The teacher came in and introduced himself. I dont remeber his name coz i was hardly paying attention to what he was saying. Then he started to say something over the subject. Then seeing the students confused he raised a question about language problems. He asked us how many of you understand Gujrati. I saw major portion of the class raising their hand including me. Then he asked how many of you are comfortable with hindi and i saw like 25% of class raising their hands up. Then he asked how many are comfortable with english and i saw a very minor portion of the class rasing their hand almost like 10% of it. Then he being too inqusitive asked who was not comfortable with gujrati and i was like looking around passing a comment "seriously sir you need to put jokes apart". Then and there was the moment.

I saw 3-4 girls raise their hand. I just was about to burst laughing like the other guys around. But then she started her intro which was last among all the girls who did not know gujrati and i was like hell mannnn. I shushed everyone around me to hear what she was saying. I just remember my heart skipped a beat when i heard her name. I pretended to act normal and not give her attention because i did not want my friend to notice that i had fallen in love. In 18 years of my existance i had fallen in love. That too on first sight. Damn....

I still remember she was wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans. Her cute face and her awesome eyes and her soft voice. Penetrated straight into me. I never thaught i would fall in love this way.. But i did. That was gods was of telling me that " yes you little devil you too have a heart which can love "

O:-)

ArOuND

There has been a lot of bullshit around me these days. I feel I can't deal with it. But actually somewhere deep in my heart whenever I think this I hear that all this bullshit aint gonna stick around me for a ling time. As a matter of fact it has made me stronger. What doesn't kill me will just make me stronger. I would love to get out of this shit as soon as possible. But don't know why the more I care the more I think about it the more I sink in deeper in it!! I feel like i should let it loose and let it go and allow myself to live back my freedom. Yeah I will do that the day I get out of this bullshit people who passed by me without giving a damn will repent ya I'm getting over this bullshit but not the bullshitters. Yeah they gonna repent and yeah there's revenge on my mind!!!

UnDeRsTaNd!!!

They ask me to understand and deal with the situations I'm facing right now. They are right and their point but in their view. But I feel like "what are you saying!! does it make any sense??" I'm just so in a fix state of my mind I cant think of anything. Simply do my work keeping things to myself suppressing my words and listening to whatever they say is just not me!! It feels like I'm killing the real me and i feel it will soon happen. As my 9 month life here at this place is where the real me can't survive anymore. He cries yet tries. Put's his thoughts to a side yet gets no ride by anyone's side. I feel lonely and lost in darkness in this bright sunny day in a street full of people!!

Jackets

I realize that people in here just don’t wear jackets due to cold. They mainly wear jackets to hide their inner self. May be their fears their little secrets their scars. Some people I see are too jolly and happy. They have their own reasons like a good job and someone back there at home who cares for them and awaits them or probably due to the person they hold beside them. But some people who are lost and cry due to the mad changes they have gone through due to changes in their surroundings. As for me I categorize in the people who are lost and confused the third and type which is confused between happiness and sadness. There might be many and unlimited thoughts going on in my mind every second what even I can’t specify. Sometimes I feel like crying and easing my heart up whereas sometimes I feel like by crying I just make myself weak and it does not help at all. It’s a drastic change I’ve been through. The reason why I’m staying here is some people have told me that I should go and book a ticket back to India but all that came to my mind at that time was… “Fuck you!!! Fuck your thoughts about me!! Fuck what you say. Fuck what you’ve been through!! I’ll prove you wrong no matter what!!” But sometimes this confidence fades away. Some have told me I should take my time. It will take time for me to adjust. But what I feel is by the time I adjust here I’ll be just like the crowd wearing jackets and hiding myself and advising someone about life. But I guess he too would think the same things I am. But put me in a different category like the most different of all species. Take me as the most rarest or most dangerous of all snakes which is put in a different box for it does not consider itself superior but can’t go as inferior as the other pitiful snakes. 

Some MaDness

Well I've been thinking about people on facebook these days. Some people completely nail my head to think. What I mean to say is are people just really kiddish or they take themselves too seriously. I should just say people need to stop doing the un-friend thingy it just makes me mad. Well I would confess that i do it. But its only when i fell that i don't require or know people in my profile. But some people just act silly like i would say they would back up their words by deleting you on facebook rather than to face you and tell what is the problem with them. These people just get to my nerves. They just un-friend a person due to some dumb fight they had. Well it frustrating as well as interesting as well as confusing to understand people. People can really stand apart by their attitude. But too much of that just swells their head too large to fit the gates of normality.